Survival Mode

By: Charity Gutierrez

There are days that I excel as a mother.  I have unlimited patience and unstoppable energy.  I am an effective homeschool teacher and a tender mother.  I am a well geared cleaning,check book balancing,  meal cooking, diaper changing, laundry folding, and playtime coordinating machine.  On those days I feel like I am wearing a Super Mom cape and I  am ready to conquer any challenge that may come my way.  Today was not one of those days.

No today was more of a keep my head above water and just keep moving so I don’t sink kind of day.  Alex left yesterday and so I resume what I call “survival mode”.  I try to push through the day and not think  negative but it is hard.  I see messes exploding all around, laundry piling up, dishes needing to be put away, my six and four year old needing to start their homeschool. I hear my four month old daughter crying and my two year old throwing a tantrum.  It was a teeth gnashing day.  Another deep breath kind of day.

I know that my help comes from my Lord- that He strengthens me so I can acomplish all I need to get done-but truth be told sometimes I don’t want to be strengthened.  I want to give up and go back to bed.  I don’t want an encouraging word- I want an angel to show up at my front door to clean my house, teach my kids and cook our food, then run to the store with all of my children for some needed groceries while I sleep in bed.  All the things my husband would do if he were home.  I sound like a spoiled brat but I am being transparent; I know no other way to be. These are the times I need my God the most.

There are moments when all I desire is sweet silence.  When I would give anything for just five minutes of quiet.  There are moments when the word “mommy” is the last word I want to hear.  I pretend I don’t hear it.  I don’t answer the cries.  In these moments all I can think is, “Thank God that He is not like me.” 

How does He do it?  It is beyond my simple mind’s ability to comprehend.  I am overwhelmed by the sreaming and complaining of four children and He handles the cries of billions.  He hears me in the midst of a sea of noise and anwsers.   He calls me by name.  Its unphathomable.  I can barely make out the screams of my children when they blast together and they will tell you they are rarely called by their own name on my first attempt.  He is truly a remarkable God.

I try to remind myself to count my blessings- all four of them.  When I am yearning for silence, in another home somewhere is a mother who recently lost her child and would give anything just to hear even the sound of a scream one more time.  

Perhaps tommorow I will be able to take out my invisible Super Mom cape.  But as for now I am going to call it a night, and put up my white flag.  As my husband reminded me in our conversation not too long ago- “You need sleep.”  It is always easier to count my blessings after a good night’s sleep.

 

Lamentations 3:22-24 (New King James Version)

²² Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
      Because His compassions fail not.
       ²³ They are new every morning;
      Great is Your faithfulness.
       ²⁴ “ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,

      “ Therefore I hope in Him!”